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the state of the civilization

Barbra and Others Redux

critical nonfiction by Kurt Halliday

they're The Superstar Undead.

Streisand. Schwarzenegger. Michael. Madonna.

They repeat.

They go into preternatural slumber forů sometimes quite a while.

Then, Bluh!

They're back - hypnotizing us. Holding their hands up just right with fingers kind of all pointing to our very souls (it's called doing a Bela Lugosi in the industry).

We're fascinated.

We can't stay away from the light.

We have to see what majorly key personal barriers they've overcome.

How did they deal with that baby-dangling scandal in Germany?

How did it feel to die in that French tunnel of love with Dodi?

How could The Terminator ever really fill in for a civilized guy like Ronnie Reagan?

Yo.

It's gossip time.

And the worst (best) kind of gossip is the kind about senior pop idols who take a stand on things like P.S. (Plastic Surgery) but are then seen leaving a Beverly Hills clinic with a black scarf over her face and are reported by none other than the National Enquirer as reportedly having [had] "an adjustment to her jaw".

At least that's the way MSNBC gossip guru Michelle Solomon has it in her column this week.


Sex War Magazine caught MS on her cell at work in the NBC cafeteria.

SWM       Hi, Michelle.

MS      Who is this!!!?

SWM      You don't know us, but -

MS      Who are you!!!?

SWM      We just wanted to ask you a few quest -

MS      How did you get my number!!!?

SWM       - ions about Bill.

MS       Who!!!?

SWM       Bill. You know. The Bill. Superstar Bill. The One who owns the MS part of MSNBC.

MS      Oh, my God!!!?

SWM       We're writing this column. Oh kay. It's kinda this gossip column -

MS      Call my agent!!!?

SWM      You have an agent.

MS      I'm calling my lawyer!!!?

SWM       You have a lawyer.

MS       Stop writing this down!!!?

SWM       We never would.

MS       I can hear you writing this down!!!?

SWM       This is rapidly turning into personal growth, Michelle.

MS       What the hell does that mean!!!?

SWM       Just answer one question. Can you do that? Do you think you can hold on long enough to -

MS      I don't know what you've talking about!!!? I'm fine.

SWM       Bill.

MS       What!!!?

SWM       Do you ever do Bill.

MS       What!!!?

SWM       Where does he go when he's not being a Superstar.

MS       What!!!?

SWM       Like. A crypt or the bank or what -


Kurt Halliday will be survived in Kingston, Ontario by two near-novels, eighteen sorta-stories, creative non-poetry, wife Janet Anderson, sons Ross and Geoff, three cats and five computers

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