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The Wilson Manifesto

June 14, 2002

Adam Wilson

Rarities & B-sides: Vol. 1 - A Collection
Or,
Long Time, No See, Mr. Whatsisname

**Author's Note**

this collection is made up of tidbits of various items that were attempted since the last Wilson Manifesto. In case dates weren't noticed, the last manifesto was released in March (or somewhere along there). These items may be slightly dated, but still relevant … or something like that …

Chapter 1: The Bachelor

In case you missed it, prostitution is now legal in America. Not only in America, but on cable television. ABC to be even more specific.

Premise? Take a single (rich) man, who thinks he's some kind of miracle sent from the stars, pair him with 15 beautiful women, and then periodically vote off the ones who wouldn't make out with him. In case you didn't get that, imagine spin the bottle, but if you don't kiss the person, you have to go into the other room and hang out with the loser kids. Replace the bottle with the bachelor and the kids with beautiful women … you get the picture…

Here's my problem: most of these women were some kind of professional in whatever their chosen field was. Doctor, nurse, photographer, secretary, whatever. Why do some people feel this unbelievable need to have a partner and that their life will end if they don't find one by the ripe old age of … 24!!! Granted, if you have someone you love, sure, run off, buy a dress, rent a tux, find a minister and say the words … but don't whore yourself off on national television to a guy you don't even know for the chance to get married.

You want to talk about a major setback to the women's movement? Rumor has it, The Bachelor 2 will have a woman chasing after 15 single men. I can see the headlines now:

"Rich Bitch Whoring for Husband"

"How Can a Woman Prostitute Herself out Like This?"

"Is This Legal?"

Post Mortem 1: Here was the first sentence I wrote after watching one episode of The Bachelor, summarizing the show: "A rich prick, given a green card (from a major television network) to have promiscuous sex with many young, beautiful women, who will do anything, even whore themselves out, for a husband."

Post Mortem 2: The Bachelor got big time ratings, proving two things:

  1. Americans will watch anything
  2. Legalized prostitution is on its way to 47 states (the other three already have it, or are well beyond even trying to follow THOSE rules).

Chapter 2: FUBAR

Ok, so the BAR part of that doesn't make sense, but the FU does. Well, I guess it does all work. I'll make this short and sweet.

This is for all of the American hockey and basketball fans (mainly in Detroit) who felt a need to boo the Canadian national anthem before playoff games began. I don't know if you're pissed off that we kicked your ass in Olympics at hockey or what, but next time you want to boo the Canadian national anthem, that half of your Detroit Red Wings come from the Great White North and they probably enjoyed your boos as much as we did.

AND, how the hell can you boo us when we sent troops over to Afghanistan to help you fight your president's war? Huh, huh?

That's fucked up beyond all repair.

Port Mortem 1: I was glad to see the Red Wings fans show some class, finally, in giving the Hurricanes a nice applause for their run to the Cup last night.

Post Mortem 2: big kudos to the Leafs fans who I remember seeing give the American national anthem a standing ovation in Toronto during the Islanders series … even though the Barenaked Ladies sang it …

Chapter 3: Random Stats

Here's something I came across one day. I found it interesting if you're in the market for something like this.

Here's the pricing for Black Market (human) Organs in China: (all figures are in American dollars)

I hope that I never need to go black market organs for anything. I can barely afford this damn coffee I'm drinking, let alone a new lung.

Post Mortem: Does it bother anyone that people in China sell stuff like this? If it doesn't, do some research, and find out how they get the organs. Nightey, night.

Chapter 4: April, May and a little bit of June …

Two and a half months is a long time, really. In that time, I've seen a nice portion of Canada on a two and a half week journey from here to a small town called Sparwood in British Columbia. In those 17 days, I saw some of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. The pictures I took of the Rocky Mountains don't do them half the justice as seeing them in person and breathing in that wonderful air.

Someone asked me when I got back if I had trouble breathing in the mountains because of a higher elevation. I responded with something cheesy like, "The reason I couldn't breathe in the mountains was because they took my breath away." I didn't really say that, but it's what I was thinking.

For a guy who had never been anywhere in Canada outside of Ontario, that trip really opened my eyes. It made my come to more of a realization of how beautiful our country really is. Take pride in this land, my friends. She's a mighty and beautiful creature.

Two and a half months also means a lot of movies watched and a lot of books read. Here are some random titles you might want to check out, or not:

Books

F. Paul Wilson's 'Repairman Jack' novels. There are four out as of this time this was written: The Tomb, Legacies, Conspiracies and All The Rage. Go to < ahref="http://www.repairmanjack.com" target="new">www.repairmanjack.com to find out what my main man Jack's all about.

I took a brief foray into Stephen King-dom again, and read Dreamcatcher. Half decent book. Imagine King meets X-Files. Soon to be a major motion picture. I'm also working my way back into the first four Dark Tower books too… for research purposes…

Chuck Palahniuk's Choke was also read. It was an enjoyable read (like all Chuck's books) but not as good as the other three (Invisible Monsters, Fight Club, Survivor). Still worth checking out. Word on the street is that Palahniuk has a new one out soon, a horror story called Lullaby. Creepy.

Movies

Two, really. One of them I watched during the previous two and a half months. And the other one just kicks ass.

Memento - If you haven't seen this movie yet, you really, really have to. This is pure gusto filmmaking. The script, the acting, the questions. Kudos to everyone involved with this movie for making a wonderful piece of film.

Run Lola Run - I recommend this for two reasons. First, I noticed that the star of this movie, Franka Potente, is in the new Matt Damon thriller, The Bourne Identity, so she gets a plug for that. Second, this movie kicks major ass. Like Memento, I've never seen anything like it before.

There, two great movies that I can guarantee you've never seen anything like them before.

Chapter 5: Long time, No see, Mr. Whatsisname

The Wilson Manifesto is back, no worries. After a brief hiatus, the writing bug bit me again. I even pulled out that old novel and started tinkering around with it again. Here's to one more for the road and many more to come.


Adam Wilson is the author of some incredibly bad poetry, many pieces of short fiction and a novel, all of which, you haven't read. Adam Wilson encourages you to write because he would rather hear from you than get another rejection letter.

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